I began officially dating my fiancé on June 25,
2012. On February 9, 2013, he proposed to me in front of my parents and
grandparents at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, NC. It was on that day
that my life changed forever.
What did I expect? For some reason, I
expected time to fly. I expected my friends, family, and coworkers to be as
excited as I was for such a joyous occasion. I expected my Pinterest to
come to life and all of my wildest wedding fantasies to become a reality.
Imagine my surprise when things didn't go as planned.
I'm thankful to report that my family has been
nothing shy of supportive. Not only do they love my fiancé, they have
been quick to include him in every aspect of our family life- including birthday
parties, holiday celebrations and Tuesday night dinners at Mamaw's. As
I'm planning a wedding, I couldn't imagine not having their support, kind words
and input. *Insert sign of relief*
Immediately following my engagement, I received
hundred of Facebook "likes" on our pictures, warm wishes and millions
of questions about the date, time, location, etc. It was so overwhelming!
Then reality hit, HARD. As time
passed, the people in my life that had boarded what I refer to as "The
happy train” slowly began making an exit. No longer were some of my
friends happy for me. The warm wishes were quickly replaced with snide
comments about how their long-time boyfriend have yet to propose, or rude
tweets about how "people", (myself and other happily engaged couples)
are too young to be married, or wasting our youth. The bitterness of
others began dragging me down. I spent a month of my engagement feeling
sorry for the people in my life that were feeling sorry for themselves.
One morning I woke up and realized the madness that I was allowing in my
life. I put my "big girl panties" on and I forgave myself.
I continued by forgiving the people who had hurt me with harsh words and
social media posts and I began planning what is going to be the best day of my
life.
As a newly engaged woman, I began being
questioned. I'd like to address some of these questions so that we can
clear the air a bit. Maybe it will inspire other future brides to think
carefully about how they would answer these questions too.
"Don't you think you're too young to be
engaged and getting married? I mean we are just in our 20's..."
Answer: No, I don't think I'm
too young to be engaged. I trust the Lord and his plan for my life.
I'm happy.
Explanation of my answer: People
will have something to say. Whether you are 2o or 55, people will always
think you are not the appropriate age for something. That was one of the
most difficult concepts for me to grasp. Do you know why they feel that
way? They think and feel the way that they do because of their own age,
their knowledge of life, and their current circumstances. Most of the
people questioning me have been my peers, people in their 20's, who weren't
engaged or in a committed relationship. Aside from the possibility of
jealousy, their questions were rooted in misunderstanding. One of the
most important life lessons I've learned from answering this question (over and
over again) is this: people will always question what they don't
understand. How would someone who has never been engaged understand your
engagement? And a better question: how would someone who has never been
in your relationship, in your shoes, or involved in the decision making of your
life EVER understand your readiness to be engaged? The answer to both of
those questions is: they don't understand (surprise, surprise). As much
as they believe they have a firm grasp on your life, your reality, and your
situation, they don't. Bless their hearts- somewhere in that question, they are
thinking of your best interest. It's buried deep under self-interest, of
course, but their concern for you, no matter how small, should never be
overlooked. Humans are flawed. They will ask you questions that really
rub you the wrong way. Politely smile, thank them for their concern, and
shake any negative vibes you feel coming your way. One of my sisters
shared a Mother Teresa quote that put a lot of this in perspective. I
hope it will help you, too.
“People are
often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are
kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are
honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find
happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do
today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world
the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in
the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
"Can I be a bridesmaid? Why in the
world did you choose HER?"
There were many answers to this question.
Though this is overwhelming, I learned to take it in small steps.
Reality: All friends have a secret hope that you will ask them to be a
bridesmaid, even if they really have no interest in participating. Why?
It's a flattering question and really one of the sweetest things you can
ask of someone! Reality: You can't pick all of your friends to be a
bridesmaid. Reality: People will be angry with you for not including them
and including someone that they don't approve of. WOW, right? Say
Yes to the Dress Bridesmaids and other wedding shows didn't prepare me for
that. My advice? Choose confidently and be satisfied with your decision. The
women you have by your ride are participating in the greatest day of your life.
Politely ignore any insinuation that they are not worthy of their title.
Appreciate them and UTILIZE THEIR TALENTS. They are talented and
beautiful and can offer an outside opinion that you may have not thought of.
They really are the best sidekicks any bride could ask for.
If a lot of that seemed terrifying and
overwhelming, that’s accurate. That was
my reality the first 5 months of my engagement.
If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t have let things bother me, I wouldn’t
have let people get to me, and I definitely wouldn’t acknowledge what I know
today to be senseless wedding drama. I
don’t think my situation is unique to engagements. It’s a learning experience and I’m happy to
have had my family, fiancé and bridal party by my side to catch me when I was
falling. Some days I fell pretty
hard.
So, now to the good stuff….
Preconceived notion: I will be engaged to the man
I love, my better half and the love of my life. He will treat me right
and our wedding day is going to be the best day of our lives.
Reality: ^ ALL OF THAT IS SO SO SO TRUE. It's
a beautiful and wonderful thing. It's all worth it, I promise.
I will leave you with that.
XO,
Jordan
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